I won't lie, there are times when I feel defeated. Tonight, just so happened to be one of those nights. A few phone calls and text messages was all it took to bring me to my knees. I felt like I was sinking into a black hole and there was no way to escape it. But then my kids came into my room in their costumes, getting ready to go trunk-or-treating. I made a decision right then that instead of allowing myself to dwell on the negative, I was going to focus on making memories with my kids.
My oldest is 12 and decided to dress like a nerd. She needed help making suspenders to complete her look. So with some ribbon and creativity, we made some suspenders. My only son is 10 and his costume was a ninja. Of course, he did not need any help. My youngest is 7 and was a bat fairy. She needed help with her make-up. Black eyeliner and purple eye-shadow completed the look to perfection.
Upon completion, we headed off to trunk-or-treat. The kids were so excited that they could barely sit still. When we arrived at the parking lot, they could not get out fast enough. Off they ran to find their cousins. I followed behind them and my husband stayed in the truck talking on his phone. After what seemed like forever, I texted him to come join us in making memories. It took multiple attempts, but he finally joined us. People were still setting up and my husband decided to run back to our house to grab a bucket of candy to join in.
Just as my husband returned, the festivities got under way. My oldest took off with a few of her friends, my son with a few of his. That left my youngest, who decided to also leave us to go around with her cousins. So my husband and I sat on the tailgate of our truck, we laughed at the different costumes that came by. Some were store bought and others made at home. Some were gory, some were cute, and others were extremely creative. We stayed there for just over an hour and then we went to round up our kids.
After we had the three kids loaded into the truck, we headed off to home to make dinner. The youngest wanted to cook the hamburger. It was so cute watching her sit on her stool, stirring the meat and telling her dad that she could do it herself. The oldest shredded some cheese. My son, of course, did not want to help. After it was all ready, we sat down to eat some tacos. Then the night routine of showers started. Then it was the good night kisses and off to bed they went.
Now I am sitting here typing this blog. I am scared of what tomorrow and the future might bring. I am scared that I will be ripped away from my family or that they will be ripped away from me. I know that I would rather be dead than have to live my life without them. My husband is trying to right the wrongs we made, but it seems that for every step forward, we take two steps back. I love my husband, not for what he is doing, but for being him. He is my soul mate. My one true love. I could not picture my life without him in it.
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
Friday, October 24, 2014
THIS IS ME!
So I wasn't one of those kids that knew from the get go what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wasn't a perfect straight "A" student in high school. I got into my fair share of trouble growing up. In fact, I dropped out of high school about halfway through my senior year and left home to live with a boyfriend. Not the best start into adulthood. But 11 years later and who knows how many ex-boyfriends, I found the right path.
I met and married my husband in 2001 and we now have 3 wonderful children together. I still was a high school dropout at this point and working dead-end waitress jobs, while my husband worked in construction. I tried 3 different times to be a stay-at-home mom with my children, but found that after about 6 months, I would go stir-crazy. Then in a twist of fate, my husband was injured on the job. Where L4, L5, and S1 should be, he has nothing now. He fell about 8 feet into a trench and sandwiched. A co-worker fell as well and landed on my husband. This would mark the end of his work career. At the same time, the economy went to hell in a hand-basket.
It was at this same time that I decided it was time for me to become a better role model for my children. So in the fall of 2008, I purchased a GED study guide. I studied for 2 weeks and then I went and took the test. Much to my surprise, I passed on my first try. Then I went and took the college placement test at Dixie State. I registered for classes and started to prepare for a new chapter in my life.
I went to meet with an adviser to set up my schedule and decide what I was going to major in. The first choice was choosing my major. I have always had an interest in the criminal justice system and so I chose criminal justice as my major. Then the adviser tried to tell me that it would take me 4 years to get my associates degree. I had always heard that an associates degree took 2 years and a bachelors degree took 4 years to obtain. I asked how this could possibly be, because I did not plan to spend the next 6 years in school. They said that it normally takes the first 2 years to complete generals, then 2 years to complete associates requirements and then another 2 years for bachelor requirements. I did not accept this and I told the adviser to watch and see, I would have my associates within 2 years.
I started my classes in the Spring 2009. I would take 18 to 21 credits per semester. I worked hard to maintain high grades. I received many awards in the first 2 years. I got Top of the Class in many of my criminal Justice classes. I also received Student of the Semester and was President of the first Criminal Justice club on campus. In the Spring 2011, I graduated with my Associates degree in Criminal Justice. A really cool aspect of my graduation was that I was able to share it with my little sister, she is 6 years younger than me, and we got to walk together.
I then started to work on my bachelors degree. I worked hard and I graduated with my Bachelors degree in the Spring 2013. I also received my EMT certification in 2012. I attended POST, but did not complete the PT due to an injury. I worked a 2 different jobs in the Criminal Justice field, until September 2014. This is where my story really begins.
The story that I will tell in my next post will be my side of what has gone on. There won't be all the details, but what I can post I will.
THIS IS ME! THIS IS ME STARTING OVER!
I met and married my husband in 2001 and we now have 3 wonderful children together. I still was a high school dropout at this point and working dead-end waitress jobs, while my husband worked in construction. I tried 3 different times to be a stay-at-home mom with my children, but found that after about 6 months, I would go stir-crazy. Then in a twist of fate, my husband was injured on the job. Where L4, L5, and S1 should be, he has nothing now. He fell about 8 feet into a trench and sandwiched. A co-worker fell as well and landed on my husband. This would mark the end of his work career. At the same time, the economy went to hell in a hand-basket.
It was at this same time that I decided it was time for me to become a better role model for my children. So in the fall of 2008, I purchased a GED study guide. I studied for 2 weeks and then I went and took the test. Much to my surprise, I passed on my first try. Then I went and took the college placement test at Dixie State. I registered for classes and started to prepare for a new chapter in my life.
I went to meet with an adviser to set up my schedule and decide what I was going to major in. The first choice was choosing my major. I have always had an interest in the criminal justice system and so I chose criminal justice as my major. Then the adviser tried to tell me that it would take me 4 years to get my associates degree. I had always heard that an associates degree took 2 years and a bachelors degree took 4 years to obtain. I asked how this could possibly be, because I did not plan to spend the next 6 years in school. They said that it normally takes the first 2 years to complete generals, then 2 years to complete associates requirements and then another 2 years for bachelor requirements. I did not accept this and I told the adviser to watch and see, I would have my associates within 2 years.
I started my classes in the Spring 2009. I would take 18 to 21 credits per semester. I worked hard to maintain high grades. I received many awards in the first 2 years. I got Top of the Class in many of my criminal Justice classes. I also received Student of the Semester and was President of the first Criminal Justice club on campus. In the Spring 2011, I graduated with my Associates degree in Criminal Justice. A really cool aspect of my graduation was that I was able to share it with my little sister, she is 6 years younger than me, and we got to walk together.
I then started to work on my bachelors degree. I worked hard and I graduated with my Bachelors degree in the Spring 2013. I also received my EMT certification in 2012. I attended POST, but did not complete the PT due to an injury. I worked a 2 different jobs in the Criminal Justice field, until September 2014. This is where my story really begins.
The story that I will tell in my next post will be my side of what has gone on. There won't be all the details, but what I can post I will.
THIS IS ME! THIS IS ME STARTING OVER!
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