So Frustrated!

You always hear people say that GOD DOESN'T GIVE YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN HANDLE! Well, I have to disagree. The last 4 and half months has been way more than I can handle. And it all started because of some bullshit charges, an arrest, negative news articles, and so much more. Because the case has not been completed yet, I can't get into all the details. I will say that what all the press failed to say was that 2 weeks before the arrest, I had terminated my contract with my job for reasons unrelated to the case. And 1 week before the arrest, my contract termination was accepted by the job. But all of this has put my family in a very bad way.
Here is the first of many struggles. The place we have been living in, the owner has put up for sale. This means we must find a new home as soon as possible. Our credit is bad, so we can't qualify to buy a home. And finding a rental in our price range has been a joke. I have 3 kids and need at least a 3 bedroom home. I also have dogs, so I need a pet friendly place. My dogs are trained and very well behaved.
Second is the money issue. Right now my family is trying to survive on my husbands disability. I would like to know how a family of 5 is supposed to live off of just barely over $900 a month. I have been unable to find any employment. Believe me, I have put in so many applications and sent out my resume to so many people that it ain't funny! On top of that, I have been told that I have 2 different positions, only to have them taken out from under me a few days before I am supposed to start. This is extremely aggravating to me. I have an Associates and a Bachelors degree! I am a Certified EMT. I have so many awards from college. Yet I can't get a job!
Third is the friends issue! I guess you could say that when things are rough, you find out who your true friends are. Well, that has certainly happened in my life. People who I thought were true friends turned their backs and started talking crap! Some people who I thought were mere acquaintances or fair weather friends have proved to be the truest of friends. I really appreciate those who are true friends. There may be few, but those few really matter.
Fourth comes in the form of family members. These last few months have brought out the best in some and the worst in others. Let's start with the best! These last few months have strengthened the relationship between my husband and me. We have had a few fights, but our love for each other is stronger than ever. NOBODY IS GOING TO BREAK US! Then there is the relationship with my mother. I feel that in the last few months we have become closer than we have ever been. And believe me when I say that this came as quite the shock to me! You see, we have never had a good relationship, we have had a lot of fights in our past. Then there are the few siblings that are not turning their backs. That are offering to help in any way they can. And a few cousins have stepped up and really shown their love and support. Now for the worst! One sibling and I won't say which side, has completely turned their back on my family. Even going so far as to disowning us. Then another one has accused us of some really stupid shit and spread rumors that they were going to take custody of my children.
So you see, I need to find a house and a job as soon as possible. I am at the end of my rope and feel like I am barely holding on. I have prayed so much, but God is not listening. For the true friends, Thank You So Much! Your support means a lot to me and my family. To the family that has not turned their backs, Thank You So Much! And to those who have turned their backs, YOU CAN KISS OUR ASSES!!!!

What I am Thankful For!

With this week being Thanksgiving, I decided to write about what I am thankful for. I have a long list and will probably only give some. I hope everyone has a great holiday season with their families. The first thing that I am thankful for is my family. When I say family, I mean immediate and extended. So I will start with my immediate family.
First, my husband Shandon. He is my soul mate. We have been married for 13 years and beat the odds against us. He is my biggest supporter and champion. Shandon and I have had our ups and downs, but my love for him grows each day. Shandon is a great dad to our children. It seems that despite his size, most kids love him. Shandon has seen me at my worst and still loves me for some reason.
Next are my 3 beautiful kids. Chadalynn, my oldest, is such a sweet soul. I am lucky to say that we have a great relationship and keep no secrets from each other. Chadalynn is extremely creative and we enjoy trying new crafts together. Just yesterday, Chadie and I mad infinity scarves by arm knitting. Traylen, my middle child and only boy, has a soft heart. He is super talented in athletics and can be very mischievous. He was a key player this year in taking his football team to an undefeated season and ultimately winning the championship. Traylen is always will to help others. Makadee is my baby. She is spoiled rotten, can be evil, but has a sweet side. She is a daddies girl and very smart. Makadee likes to test my patience, but is there to love you when you are down.  Makadee is a girly girl. And last are my 3 dogs. Risky Business is my 4 year old female German Shepard. Risky is my girl. At night she lays on my feet when she is not making her rounds to make sure all is well. Gauge is my 9 month old German Shepard. He is bigger than Risky and full of energy. Gauge has a special relationship with my husband and son. And last is Recidivism, our 6 year old poodle. Poodle is devoted to Chadalynn, and the 2 of them are inseparable.
When it comes to my extended family, stuff can be tricky. Some relationships are strained, but in the end we all love each other. Let's start with my parents. I love them both very much. My mom and I have always had a strained relationship, but things are getting better everyday. My dad and I were close when I was younger, but have seemed to have grown apart. When it comes to my siblings, I have always felt like I have a better relationship with my 2 brothers than with my 3 sisters. Maybe it is because I am stuck in the middle of the boys, or maybe because I was always such a tomboy growing up. We have all had our ups and downs, but no matter what, we are family and stick together. My grandpa Clair and Grammy Sheila are extremely important to me. Grandpa and Grammy are always there to support, give advice and love, and a big part of my life. And last but certainly not least, my cousin Casey. Casey and I are a few months apart in age. We have always been close to each other. Casey was in a motorcycle accident not to long ago and I am so thankful that she survived and is still around today.
The next thing that I am thankful for are my true friends. With all that has happened in my life in the past few months, I have found who those true friends are. Despite all the negative stuff that has been said about me, these friends have reached out to let me know that they believe in me. They sent messages or called to say they were there for me. Those who I consider true friends know who they are and to them all I can say is thanks.
The next thing that I am thankful for is the community in which I live. Hurricane is a great town to raise children in. I love how when the chips are down for a community member, the community rallies around them to help. I also love how the whole town supports local sports. I have tried a few times to move away from Hurricane, but I always come home. I truly consider Hurricane to be my home.
The next thing that I am thankful for is my education. I will be the first to admit that I did not graduate high school with my class. I actually dropped out halfway through my senior year. I waited 11 years before returning. My husband was injured in an accident, and I decided it was time to have a career rather than working different waitressing jobs. So I got a GED study guide, studied for a  week, then went and passed the test. About 2 weeks after that, I enrolled at Dixie State University (at that time it was College) and 2 weeks later began taking classes. I majored in Criminal Justice, but took other classes that interested me as well. I was told that it would take me 2 years to get my generals done, 2 years after that to complete my Associates, and another 2 years after that to complete a Bachelors. I told the counselor that he was crazy and that I would have it all done in 4 years. As luck and a lot of hard work would have it, I reached my goal of 4 years. During my time at Dixie, I received many awards, became a Certified EMT, and attended the Police Academy.
These are just a few things that I am thankful for. I could probably go on for days about all the many blessings in my life, but I won't do that today. This season is a favorite for me. I hope to be able to write a little more often, but having 3 active kids, keep me running all the time. Keep smiling and giving to others. Until next time Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Talk About A Scary Situation!

The night before Halloween, my husband and I noticed something about our 10 year old son. His left testicle was three times the size it should be. My husband thought that it could possibly be a hernia, but he wasn't sure.
Flash forward to Halloween day. After school was out for the day, we took our son to our family doctor. After what seemed like forever waiting for the doctor, he came in and took one look and verified what my husband thought. My 10 year old son had a Inguinal Hernia and the only way to repair it was surgery.
By Monday morning, my son was experiencing pain from the hernia. As directed by our doctor, we went straight to the emergency room. After spending four hours at the hospital, we went across the street to the general surgeons office. Surgery was scheduled for the following morning.
Day of surgery. We got up at 5:00 in the morning. For those that know me, this is not normal and I am not a morning person. We took our 7 year old to a friend, stopped for some gas and coffee, then headed back to the hospital. Check-in was at 6:00 and then back into a pre-op room. My son is such a brave and strong boy. There were no tears until the IV was put in. After the IV, things went quickly. We met all the staff that would be in surgery with our son and then they were wheeling him away to surgery.
The waiting room was torture. I tried doing a word search, but that didn't last long. I tried playing solitaire on my phone, but that also didn't last long. I took a short cat-nap. My husband paced the floor. After what seemed like forever, they finally came out to let us know how surgery went. The doctor said he pulled through like a champ. He also told us that our son had been hiding the hernia from us for quite some time.
Then more waiting for him to come out of recovery and into a post-op room. Then more waiting for them to discharge us. We finally got to go home about 5 hours after we arrived. And now the recovery time starts.
There is nothing worse as a parent than watching them wheel one of your babies off to surgery. The waiting time that your child is gone is excruciating. Your nerves are shot, your anxiety high. Then once the surgery is over and it's time for recovery, you have to tell them no when you really want to say yes. Trying to keep an active kid down is no small task.
So tonight, hug your kids tight and tell them you love them. There is nothing better than being a parent.

Making Memories!

I won't lie, there are times when I feel defeated. Tonight, just so happened to be one of those nights. A few phone calls and text messages was all it took to bring me to my knees. I felt like I was sinking into a black hole and there was no way to escape it. But then my kids came into my room in their costumes, getting ready to go trunk-or-treating. I made a decision right then that instead of allowing myself to dwell on the negative, I was going to focus on making memories with my kids.
My oldest is 12 and decided to dress like a nerd. She needed help making suspenders to complete her look. So with some ribbon and creativity, we made some suspenders. My only son is 10 and his costume was a ninja. Of course, he did not need any help. My youngest is 7 and was a bat fairy. She needed help with her make-up. Black eyeliner and purple eye-shadow completed the look to perfection.
Upon completion, we headed off to trunk-or-treat. The kids were so excited that they could barely sit still. When we arrived at the parking lot, they could not get out fast enough. Off they ran to find their cousins. I followed behind them and my husband stayed in the truck talking on his phone. After what seemed like forever, I texted him to come join us in making memories. It took multiple attempts, but he finally joined us. People were still setting up and my husband decided to run back to our house to grab a bucket of candy to join in.
Just as my husband returned, the festivities got under way. My oldest took off with a few of her friends, my son with a few of his. That left my youngest, who decided to also leave us to go around with her cousins. So my husband and I sat on the tailgate of our truck, we laughed at the different costumes that came by. Some were store bought and others made at home. Some were gory, some were cute, and others were extremely creative. We stayed there for just over an hour and then we went to round up our kids.
After we had the three kids loaded into the truck, we headed off to home to make dinner. The youngest wanted to cook the hamburger. It was so cute watching her sit on her stool, stirring the meat and telling her dad that she could do it herself. The oldest shredded some cheese. My son, of course, did not want to help. After it was all ready, we sat down to eat some tacos. Then the night routine of showers started. Then it was the good night kisses and off to bed they went.
Now I am sitting here typing this blog. I am scared of what tomorrow and the future might bring. I am scared that I will be ripped away from my family or that they will be ripped away from me. I know that I would rather be dead than have to live my life without them. My husband is trying to right the wrongs we made, but it seems that for every step forward, we take two steps back. I love my husband, not for what he is doing, but for being him. He is my soul mate. My one true love. I could not picture my life without him in it.

THIS IS ME!

So I wasn't one of those kids that knew from the get go what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wasn't a perfect straight "A" student in high school. I got into my fair share of trouble growing up. In fact, I dropped out of high school about halfway through my senior year and left home to live with a boyfriend. Not the best start into adulthood. But 11 years later and who knows how many ex-boyfriends, I found the right path.
I met and married my husband in 2001 and we now have 3 wonderful children together. I still was a high school dropout at this point and working dead-end waitress jobs, while my husband worked in construction. I tried 3 different times to be a stay-at-home mom with my children, but found that after about 6 months, I would go stir-crazy. Then in a twist of fate, my husband was injured on the job. Where L4, L5, and S1 should be, he has nothing now. He fell about 8 feet into a trench and sandwiched. A co-worker fell as well and landed on my husband. This would mark the end of his work career. At the same time, the economy went to hell in a hand-basket.
It was at this same time that I decided it was time for me to become a better role model for my children. So in the fall of 2008, I purchased a GED study guide. I studied for 2 weeks and then I went and took the test. Much to my surprise, I passed on my first try. Then I went and took the college placement test at Dixie State. I registered for classes and started to prepare for a new chapter in my life.
I went to meet with an adviser to set up my schedule and decide what I was going to major in. The first choice was choosing my major. I have always had an interest in the criminal justice system and so I chose criminal justice as my major. Then the adviser tried to tell me that it would take me 4 years to get my associates degree. I had always heard that an associates degree took 2 years and a bachelors degree took 4 years to obtain. I asked how this could possibly be, because I did not plan to spend the next 6 years in school. They said that it normally takes the first 2 years to complete generals, then 2 years to complete associates requirements and then another 2 years for bachelor requirements. I  did not accept this and I told the adviser to watch and see, I would have my associates within 2 years.
I started my classes in the Spring 2009. I would take 18 to 21 credits per semester. I worked hard to maintain high grades. I received many awards in the first 2 years. I got Top of the Class in many of my criminal Justice classes. I also received Student of the Semester and was President of the first Criminal Justice club on campus. In the Spring 2011, I graduated with my Associates degree in Criminal Justice. A really cool aspect of my graduation was that I was able to share it with my little sister, she is 6 years younger than me, and we got to walk together.
I then started to work on my bachelors degree. I worked hard and I graduated with my Bachelors degree in the Spring 2013. I also received my EMT certification in 2012. I attended POST, but did not complete the PT due to an injury. I worked a 2 different jobs in the Criminal Justice field, until September 2014. This is where my story really begins.
The story that I will tell in my next post will be my side of what has gone on. There won't be all the details, but what I can post I will.
THIS IS ME! THIS IS ME STARTING OVER!